Valentine’s Day is all about love, and in real estate, that feeling often hits the moment a buyer walks through the door of a potential dream home. The lighting is perfect, the layout feels just right, and suddenly…it’s the one! In competitive markets, that excitement sometimes leads buyers to write a “love letter” to the seller, and while these letters may feel thoughtful and well-intentioned, they can come with real risks. 

For agents and sellers, understanding how to navigate buyer love letters is an important part of doing business responsibly in today’s market.

Buyer love letters are personal notes written by buyers to sellers, often submitted alongside an offer. They typically include details about the buyer’s background, family, lifestyle, or emotional connection to the home. The goal is simple: to stand out in a competitive market by appealing to the seller’s heart, not just their bottom line.

In slower markets, these letters might feel harmless. But when multiple offers are on the table, they can influence decisions—sometimes in ways that create unintended consequences.

The National Association of REALTORS® (NAR) says that buyer love letters can raise red flags because they often reference protected classes under the Fair Housing Act or state and local laws, including race, color, religion, sex, disability, familial status, and national origin.

Even when a seller has no intention of discriminating, simply being exposed to this information can create risk. For example, a buyer’s letter might mention wanting to raise children in the home, attending a nearby place of worship, or caring for elderly family members. While these may seem like benign details, they introduce protected information into the decision-making process. 

Some buyers take it a step further, including images of their family. While this may feel personal and compelling, it makes it very clear who will be living in the home, which should not be a factor in a seller’s decision. If the seller later rejects the offer, the existence of a letter and any accompanying images can complicate the situation and increase the risk of a discrimination claim — regardless of the seller’s intent.

So how should agents handle buyer love letters? The first step is to set expectations early. Agents should proactively educate buyers and sellers about fair housing laws and the potential pitfalls of writing or accepting a buyer love letter. 

It’s also important for agents to follow a standard policy. Many firms have rules that restrict or prohibit love letters, and agents should consistently follow these guidelines. In fact, NAR recommends that REALTORS® inform their clients they will not deliver or accept buyer love letters at all in order to avoid potential issues. 

Agents should also remind sellers that offer decisions should be based solely on objective criteria, such as price, financing strength, contingencies, closing timeline, etc., not on personal stories or emotional appeals. Listing agents should also document all offers received and the specific reasons for accepting one over the others. This documentation can be critical if a fair housing complaint arises later.

Finally, there are safer ways for buyers to make a strong impression without crossing legal lines. A larger earnest money deposit, for example, can demonstrate serious intent and show that a buyer has “skin in the game.” Buyers can also strengthen their offers in other ways, such as offering a faster close or fewer contingencies. Remember, the best strategy isn’t always offering the highest price but offering the terms that best match the seller’s needs and priorities. 

So, while buyer love letters may tug at the heart, they can also introduce unnecessary risk. The best approach is to keep offers rooted in objective criteria and strong terms. This protects everyone involved and keeps the focus where it belongs: on the deal itself!